Okay, here goes. I’m making an attempt at being vulnerable again. If you’ve been following this blog, you may think I’m beginning to enjoy this “open-to-the-public” expression of my thoughts and feelings.
The truth is, it feels a little scary each time, because much of my past embarrasses me and I am still learning to overcome the shame.
I work to overcome by sharing my testimony…the good things happening now that give me small joys in the journey. And, every time I am in an airport now and board a plane, those little joys help keep me on track in my weight loss journey.
Someone once told me that for every pound of weight we lose, it feels as though we’ve lost 3 pounds of pressure. I can attest to the truth of that! Having lost 110, I know my trek through the airports is much different than it used to be.
My knees have been bad for 10-12 years; doctors told me both knees have been bone-on-bone for that length of time. A year and a half ago, I was using a cane or a wheelchair to get through airports, because of the problem.
You may not understand the utter embarrassment of having a young face, an enormous body, and being pushed through crowds of elderly people walking long distances in airports. Let me tell you, it’s humiliating. Especially when you arrive in a foreign country and are greeted by a delegation of pastors and leaders anticipating a miracle meeting!
Just try to imagine my excitement and joy, to be able to walk the full length of overseas airports, unassisted, after having stood in impossible lines for check-in and security! Ok, I’ll say it, I feel like a rockstar!
And then, when I take my place on that 6-inch seat (slight exaggeration,) I fit!! And so does the seat belt!! No more under-the-breath requests to the flight attendant for the dreaded “extender,” and the all-knowing smile and look of pity in return!
Believe me when I tell you, there is no slice of cake or pizza that tastes as good as being free from guilt and shame feels! God has truly brought me through a total life-transformation that feels a lot like waking up from a long, miserable nightmare.
Just today, sitting behind first class on the window seat, I did something I would have died of shame to do a year ago. I actually maneuvered myself gracefully around two men, excusing myself of course, to begin the long journey to the back of the plane for the restroom.
Now to you always-skinnies out there, you cannot relate to a word I’m saying. God bless you. But to you who may be struggling to put down an Oreo…JUST DO IT!
In the words of the great emancipator, “I’ve been to the mountaintop!” Only, I am not dreaming anymore. I’m on the other side, saying “It’s really good here! Keep going! Learn to love salads, apples and grilled chicken!” Take it from me, these little joys are awesome motivators in keeping a person like me on track!
The best part about it is the renewed youthfulness I feel. I find myself attempting things I thought I could never do. Some I still need a little work with; others I can manage well.
No, airport and airline travel are not as fun as they used to be; but to a shrinking chubette like me, they are almost enjoyable:-)
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